Reality Shift

My friend, who is also over weight suggested I really start to log my journey.  I suggested I was getting crazier with every pound I lost.  She probably wanted to slap me via text.  I get all emotional and then I feel like an idiot and then I question myself.  Well there's no reason to question myself.  She used the exact words I needed to hear, "You are undergoing a reality shift."

In a word, DUH!

My place in the world is changing.  The way I fit in the world is changing.  As I feel my body it literally feels like I am coming unglued in places.  I look at myself sometimes and remind myself, no one said this would be pretty.  But, it's okay.  I'm not doing this to become pretty.  Hopefully that will happen.  Health comes first and beauty, though important, is secondary.

Regardless of what the industry says, I think beauty is more of an internal function.  There are plenty of beautiful women out there who think they're ugly.  There are plenty of women who think they are so imperfect they surgically modify, starve and punish themselves daily.

There are women out there who view themselves as beautiful and on the outside they may be stunning, but they're ugly on the inside.  They're vicious, mean and sell out their children to improve themselves.  Eventually, gravity takes over and while they're busy building their lives on deceit, I support myself.  Gravity will hit me too but my friends trust and love me because I will carry them on my back, barefoot, across broken glass to the moon.

When my therapist asked me what I planned to look like when I'm "done" I hadn't even thought that part through.  I mean I have no idea what I will look like.  I may require some surgical modification in the end, but it will be reconstructive.  The work will be intense for me to create a reasonable facsimile of a normal person.

I've decided my goal is one of the images of Venus from the Renaissance or perhaps Venus De Milo.  All of the images are of a healthy, well proportioned woman.  She has ample hips and breasts smaller than mine, but we have bras, thank goodness.  She is realistic.

So, here is my goal: