My Dad's Vagina

When I was young, my dad bought a pastel drawing that cost several thousands of dollars. As a child I looked at it and saw a figure walking into the light. That might even be the name of the painting. It looks like a pink figure walking into a mix of pink, yellow and white tunnel of light. It's actually very pretty.

When my dad died, I was able to claim it because my half brother said it looked like a butt and if he wanted to see a butt, there were magazines that interested him more. He was really good to me but he sort of objectified women after his divorce. 

So after my dad died I went to visit my mom because I needed some TLC and she saw that picture in the back of my car and demanded that she not be forced to look at it.

Wha?

She explained that while he was paying it off in layaway he would go and "visit" it, and gaze lovingly at it. Then as he was writing the check for the final payment, she saw that it was a vagina. It was a vagina in the Georgia O'Keefe sense of artistic expression. Suddenly it went from being art to pornography in her mind and she very rapidly went from appreciation to hatred.

She confronted my dad about it and he denied that was why he wanted it. Then he said, "Oh yeah, I guess you're right." They were sleeping in separate bedrooms by that time and he was forced to put it in his room so she wouldn't be forced to look at it.

20 years later, when I got home with it I was forced to hang it in my bedroom so she would never see it.

Now, we live together and our paintings are all stacked up against the wall waiting to be hung. Charles and I were going through them and I saw it. I very quietly said, "Don't let Mom see that. We'll have to hang it in our room." He expected me to explain.

We left to go to Home Depot for picture hangers and I explained the story to him. He said agreed it looked mostly like a figure walking into the light at the end of a tunnel but he could see the vagina. So he said, "I really don't think we should be forced to hang your father's vagina on our wall because your mom has a problem with it." 

This is all I have left of my dad. Some may think it's tacky of me to make fun of him after he's dead. If you knew him you'd understand that while he would have been horrified, he would have returned the favor in his famously passive aggressive style so I figure we're good. My brother, if he was still here to criticize, would dare me to put it on Facebook.