A whole year has passed since I wrote in my blog. Wow, sorry about that. The first part of the year I have no excuse. I was simply distracted. The second part of the year was different. There was more going on personally, especially from September forward.
We had a cancer scare.
We were at the Emergency Room for a separate issue and at 2am the doctor tells us, "Oh and you have a mass in your abdomen you might want to get checked out. It could be nothing. It could be cancer. We'll get you out of here soon."
Well shit... I had to spend a few minute reminding myself of all I have.
Charles and I are a team. Though he was the one who had the mass, we supported each other. We loved each other. When he was scared, he held me. When I was scared, I held him. After a few thousand dollars, a brief scare that he'd lose his new job, the psychological impact of facing his mortality and finally the relief of knowing it really wasn't anything, we made it. We made it together.
My best friend of all time, forever and ever, meets me for coffee most Sundays at 7:30am. I used to work with her from 1996 to 2006. After I quit the job, I realized if we didn't do coffee on Sunday mornings we'd lose touch. I'm always hesitant to text her or call her because she works and sleeps abnormal hours. I rely on Sundays for our communication. It's more intimate than text messages and phone calls. We love each other and always will.
I have my mom. She loves me unconditionally, no matter what I do. She loves me and Charles together as a couple. She loves that he makes me happy. She was scared that something would happen that could end that happiness. She held my hand while we worked through it together.
I decided to return to a therapist I'd seen in the past. I adore her. She's delightful. She's kind and funny and she seems to genuinely care for me and my life. I decided that even though we've passed through the crisis successfully I'd see her once a month to do a wellness check. If I need more she's available.
Today I love Charles more than anything in this world. I love him more than food. I love him more than music. I love him more than I love everyone else in this world combined. He makes my past easier to reconcile. He makes my future bright. He gives me a safe place to focus on improving myself. Today, two days shy of our second wedding anniversary, I am more in love than I ever have been.
We've survived our first real challenge and we did so beautifully. I know in my bones, more than ever, that he loves me and I love him. I found what most people search their whole lives for. I am grateful every day for everything I have and everyone in my life.
Sorry it has been so long. I hope to write more, sooner and more frequently. I just need to quit getting distracted. At least it's a happy distraction.
Happy New Year!
