I grinned and shocked the nurse by saying HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Then I had to apologize for her stupid religious sensibilities.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Dog days of IT
We have a vendor in town trying to prove they're able to do the stuff our tax department needs. I pulled the late shift which is fine except it's not. I thought I would wake up early and handle business, but I don't. I come home and sleep and get up and go to work and while I'm conscious at home I listen to the other residents whine because they never see me and they miss me and IT'S TEMPORARY!
I do miss my dogs. They are stupid little creatures that shit on my carpet but I love them. I think I've figured out a problem. I think it can be solved with a remote control car. I want to put some meat or a treat in it and make them chase it and tire their sorry little asses out. And then we can have love without medication that costs $100 a month.
Lucas caught a possum on Saturday. He was going to bring it in and I screamed like a little girl. The last thing I want in my house is a rodent. I totally freaked out. "OHMYGODHE'SBRINGINGITINSIDE!" was my exact term. Then I left my boyfriend to figure it out by running into the bedroom, flapping my arms like a chicken.
Notably they were tickled pink for the rest of the day, except when they went to lick me. "I know what you've done with that mouth!" I don't like it when they lick me anyway, but for real they had a rodent in their mouths.
Yes. The possum survived. As soon as Lucas dropped it and was safely inside, it ran off. It probably found it's mom and sibs and told the tale of being literally trapped in the jaws of a predator! Which is accurate but Lu isn't that bad.
I do miss my dogs. They are stupid little creatures that shit on my carpet but I love them. I think I've figured out a problem. I think it can be solved with a remote control car. I want to put some meat or a treat in it and make them chase it and tire their sorry little asses out. And then we can have love without medication that costs $100 a month.
Lucas caught a possum on Saturday. He was going to bring it in and I screamed like a little girl. The last thing I want in my house is a rodent. I totally freaked out. "OHMYGODHE'SBRINGINGITINSIDE!" was my exact term. Then I left my boyfriend to figure it out by running into the bedroom, flapping my arms like a chicken.
Notably they were tickled pink for the rest of the day, except when they went to lick me. "I know what you've done with that mouth!" I don't like it when they lick me anyway, but for real they had a rodent in their mouths.
Yes. The possum survived. As soon as Lucas dropped it and was safely inside, it ran off. It probably found it's mom and sibs and told the tale of being literally trapped in the jaws of a predator! Which is accurate but Lu isn't that bad.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
No loss this week
So I walked in yesterday thinking I'd lost another 20 pounds. I was down .2 pounds. I was still headed in the right direction, they said. After all this work and they think I'm still headed in the right direction?
In my defense my knee is still swollen and they said that may be concealing my actual weight loss. I know it's unreasonable to think 20 pounds, but really? Do I have 3 pounds of fluid on my leg? So for next week I will hopefully be back on track. These type of injuries take forever to heal so I may still be a bit swollen, but I do think it should be better and I will stay on the straight and narrow.
In my defense my knee is still swollen and they said that may be concealing my actual weight loss. I know it's unreasonable to think 20 pounds, but really? Do I have 3 pounds of fluid on my leg? So for next week I will hopefully be back on track. These type of injuries take forever to heal so I may still be a bit swollen, but I do think it should be better and I will stay on the straight and narrow.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Jacked up knee
Yesterday the I participated in a phone bank for the Democrats. We were calling folks in Florida because there's a higher chance of President Obama taking Florida than taking Texas. We help where we can. My mom was one of the two organizers and we had a great time. Our regional field director said we had the biggest phone bank.
Of course, I agreed to do all the remaining data entry and when we left, I did a face plant. There was no reason for it, I just toppled down, cut my hand and landed on my knee. The last time I fell I was 27 pounds heavier but this was a direct hit and I swear I shoved my femur up my throat. I think I may have gone into shock. By the time I got up I was shaking. I went to the host's bathroom and washed my hand and looked in the mirror and I shit you not my lips were blue. I collected myself, shook it off until I got home.
When I got home I had the bright idea to pour the peroxide on my wounds directly. I apparently screamed so loud I scared the dogs.
I thought maybe I could just sleep it off and took a nap. Well that was great until I was forced to wake up and perform and who knew you needed your knee to do things like count and type?
I finally staggered into my Mom's and said I needed to go the ER for an x-ray. I was just about convinced I had shattered my knee. They wanted to de-bride the wound and I suggested they find a way to do it that didn't include pain. Then, "Oh you were wearing pants? Nevermind." Good woman!
Today it is UGLY.
I showed one guy with the group, "Hey, you want to look at my leg?"
He said very politely, "I prefer not to look at women's legs."
I said, "Whatever, look at it."
He turned and looked at my knee and said, "And that is why I prefer not to look at women's legs." Then he told my mother I was being obnoxious and I needed to quit showing people my pestilence. Whatever... the scratches are only superficial Joe, nice try!
He's a nice guy. Really. He's a Democrat and a formal Colonel in the Air Force. You don't get to be a Colonel if you're an idiot... usually.
Today, two vicodin and 3 advil later I don't really care. Those two medications completely removed any give-a-shit for anything I take issue with today.
Oh wait. I did get to emasculate my ex-husband. He is one of those guys who won't let you ever tell him anything he does, thinks, says or believes is wrong. The evidence you are right could be spanking him publically and dammit you're wrong and he's right and that's it. He is proof that pride is shameful. So he thinks these strippers from Kansas are going to come and live with him. My mother is the guarantor on his lease and he elected to send the strippers thousands of dollars rather than pay his rent. They would come and live with him and how the hell did he expect them to stick around if he was evicted?!
So, I used the only things he cares about against him. I told him if he didn't pay the rent I was taking the pets. His rent would probably get paid, but he would no longer posess his two cats and dog. He showed his hand when that was the only thing he would cry about as my mother bailed him out, for the last time.
Today his roommate said, "Melissa is here."
He said, "Melissa can wait outside, but her mother may come in."
I said, "It's just me. I need the receipt that shows you paid rent. Give me that and I will leave you alone."
He even gave me the difference of what he owes her. Thank you very much Mr. Dumbass because now she and I will go to the SSA and let them find you another designated payee since you've chased off every one you've had.
He hates that I still have any control over him and it rests in my mother. He knows she's a softy for his bullshit and I'm "the heavy."
All that being said, I wish him luck in his future and bid him a fond farewell.
Of course, I agreed to do all the remaining data entry and when we left, I did a face plant. There was no reason for it, I just toppled down, cut my hand and landed on my knee. The last time I fell I was 27 pounds heavier but this was a direct hit and I swear I shoved my femur up my throat. I think I may have gone into shock. By the time I got up I was shaking. I went to the host's bathroom and washed my hand and looked in the mirror and I shit you not my lips were blue. I collected myself, shook it off until I got home.
When I got home I had the bright idea to pour the peroxide on my wounds directly. I apparently screamed so loud I scared the dogs.
I thought maybe I could just sleep it off and took a nap. Well that was great until I was forced to wake up and perform and who knew you needed your knee to do things like count and type?
I finally staggered into my Mom's and said I needed to go the ER for an x-ray. I was just about convinced I had shattered my knee. They wanted to de-bride the wound and I suggested they find a way to do it that didn't include pain. Then, "Oh you were wearing pants? Nevermind." Good woman!
Today it is UGLY.
I showed one guy with the group, "Hey, you want to look at my leg?"
He said very politely, "I prefer not to look at women's legs."
I said, "Whatever, look at it."
He turned and looked at my knee and said, "And that is why I prefer not to look at women's legs." Then he told my mother I was being obnoxious and I needed to quit showing people my pestilence. Whatever... the scratches are only superficial Joe, nice try!
He's a nice guy. Really. He's a Democrat and a formal Colonel in the Air Force. You don't get to be a Colonel if you're an idiot... usually.
Today, two vicodin and 3 advil later I don't really care. Those two medications completely removed any give-a-shit for anything I take issue with today.
Oh wait. I did get to emasculate my ex-husband. He is one of those guys who won't let you ever tell him anything he does, thinks, says or believes is wrong. The evidence you are right could be spanking him publically and dammit you're wrong and he's right and that's it. He is proof that pride is shameful. So he thinks these strippers from Kansas are going to come and live with him. My mother is the guarantor on his lease and he elected to send the strippers thousands of dollars rather than pay his rent. They would come and live with him and how the hell did he expect them to stick around if he was evicted?!
So, I used the only things he cares about against him. I told him if he didn't pay the rent I was taking the pets. His rent would probably get paid, but he would no longer posess his two cats and dog. He showed his hand when that was the only thing he would cry about as my mother bailed him out, for the last time.
Today his roommate said, "Melissa is here."
He said, "Melissa can wait outside, but her mother may come in."
I said, "It's just me. I need the receipt that shows you paid rent. Give me that and I will leave you alone."
He even gave me the difference of what he owes her. Thank you very much Mr. Dumbass because now she and I will go to the SSA and let them find you another designated payee since you've chased off every one you've had.
He hates that I still have any control over him and it rests in my mother. He knows she's a softy for his bullshit and I'm "the heavy."
All that being said, I wish him luck in his future and bid him a fond farewell.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
6 more pounds
I totally blew past the 20 pound mark this weekend. I appear to be losing it all in my butt. That's fine I suppose as long as I gradually start to lose it from other places too. Still a long way to go. All in all though, I'm pleased.
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