After the first two weeks, this week was a bit underwhelming but I'm making progress. I'm staying the course. I picked up dinner for my fella last night and damn it if I didn't want a tater tot so bad but I've discovered that even the most minor infractions are brutal simply because they permit me to fail. My mind has very self-defeating properties. If I permit myself to fail small I am filled with feelings of, "Well you've already failed, ya big fat failure. Go for the double cheeseburger with double bacon deep fried in lard. If you're going to fail, fail big. You'll hate yourself just as much for the deep fried lard balls as you will for the carrots."
I've always used the excuse that losing weight was a lifetime decision. I'm planning now by seeking out reasonably priced low-calorie alternatives. I have to learn how to function in the world as an ex-fat person as I did as an ex-smoker. I still encounter cigarettes. I still see people smoking in their cars and really want one, but all it will take is one. I know my limits and I'm okay with limits as long as they are well-defined.
I feel better about myself already. I'm excited by the process as much as I am by the result. It won't be easy but my heart will be better for it in more ways than one.
No comments:
Post a Comment