Los Angeles

We went to LA last week and had a pretty good time hanging out with my brother and his partner.

It was mostly good.

I've never been close to my brother. He's 21 years older than me and had a life when I was born. He continued his life without me and finally said, after 39 years, that I should come and visit him. I was really nervous. I considered canceling the trip. I didn't know what to expect but I knew I had something to gain. What if I walked away with a brother out of this? I know he's always been my brother but what if?... What if I could gain that feeling of family?

It all started at the airport. He was listening to Frank Sinatra and Charles said, "I don't really like jazz, but I do like this." I think my brother heard, "I love jazz." That's what we listened to the entire time we were in the car. We were in the car a lot. I was able to tune it out. Charles didn't want to say anything because he was being polite. Perhaps I should have asked if we could listen to something else, but I didn't.

On the way home we nearly missed our exit so my brother cut across two lanes of traffic without signaling and nearly hit the barricade. That's pretty much how he drives all the time. He drove us around a lot. There were rapid un-signaled lane changes, a lot of fidgeting with the GPS, surprise U-turns and texting while driving. Oh yeah... there was jazz too.

Charles was ready to jump out of the car at highway speed by the time we got to the airport for our return trip. Charles said to my mother, "There we were about to die and the last thing I was going to hear was jazz. I was in the back seat of the car listening to the soundtrack of my death. I need to go out on some rock and roll."

We survived.

I told his partner that I preferred it when he drove because, "He makes me flinch. When a passenger flinches while I'm driving I want to punch them in the face so I prefer to sit in the back seat." That was a diplomatic way of saying I was terrified for my life and the life of my husband.

When he asked if there was anything we wanted to do, we said we wanted to go on a tour of the city, which was scheduled for the following day. I said I would like to go to the Getty museum. He told me that LACMA was better but sure we could go to the Getty.

The Getty is amazing. It's a beautiful building on a beautiful hillside overlooking LA. It was really incredible. I loved everything about it. So that apparently meant we wanted to go to all the other museums in LA. He was right. LACMA was a better museum but by the end we were so done with museums. We went to two more the next day. We went to a total of five. The fifth one was a demand that I made. And oh boy was he a grouch about it but he drove me to the building and waited while I went to the Hello Kitty exhibit at the Japanese American Museum of Art.

I told him since he didn't want to be there I'd pay for his admission. Admission was $20 and he said, "I don't want you to spend $20 on me for this crap." He and his friend waited for us outside.

Look, before you judge me, when I was a little girl I loved Hello Kitty. She's 40 and I'm 39. She was a fixture of my childhood. OF COURSE I WOULD WANT TO GO. I figured if I'm going to walk through the Museum of Contemporary Art, where a drain, installed in the wall is considered art, then I'm going to the Hello Kitty exhibit. And I went. I made a quick pass through it because Charles and I were the only adults who didn't have children. I saw some cool things. Charles bought me a little bag with a picture of Hello Kitty on it and we went to the airport. My trip was complete.

My brother was a very gracious host. His dogs were hilarious. His partner was kind to us. They took us out, showed us their version of a good time and we enjoyed ourselves.  He was also a little moody and awkward at times. But then again no one is perfect.

One thing I learned is our ideas of culture are vastly different. They like Broadway musicals and museums. They like architecture and appreciate nice houses. They like fancy restaurants and mainstream culture. That's great. We enjoyed all those things.

We like street art and night clubs with $5 cover to see three really obscure bands that no one will ever hear of. I spent all my cash one night on three cds from a band that amazed me. Not all of it is good but that's what we like. It's fun to talk to the artists after they've performed while they sell their merchandise. I love to be able to tell them that I love their music and I have their albums. I love having these little secrets on my iPod that no one may hear. I'll expose my friends if I can, but I don't want to make copies of the CDs when the artists deserve that money too.

We told them this is what we do and they took us to see Pippin. Pippin was amazing. The plot was lacking but it was visually spectacular. Getting to talk to Sarah Jaffe after one of her shows meant more to me though.

All in all it was a pretty good trip. I think it ended on a good note with my brother. I think he was ready to get rid of us. But we were ready to go home so that's only fair.

I didn't realize how bad the jazz experience was for Charles. By the time we were at the airport he was a total grouch. He's only acted that way once before and it was because his cell phone wasn't working during a medical crisis with his mother. I thought he was going to take a hammer to it. I think if he had a hammer he would have taken it to my brother's stereo.

Luckily for all of us we survived with only mild stress. We got along with each other the entire time. While I'm pretty sure my brother isn't interested in my day-to-day activities, we did create a decent foundation to develop a relationship going forward. That's what I wanted and I'm happy to say I got it..