Pastry will be my downfall. If I'm sad, frustrated, scared, stressed, choked up or depressed, I turn to pastry. If I'm happy, thrilled, excited or generally in a good humor, I turn to pastry. I know this. I'm in therapy for it. I've been on a weight loss program and once committed to it stayed away from it for months and months. Then one day I thought I had some level control over myself. Nope... nope, I don't, not yet.
Today is Valentine's day and it was a "goodie day" for work. Everyone brought cup cakes and cookies and I'll be damned if someone didn't bring cookies from my favorite bakery. The Upper Crust Bakery will undo all attempts you have at maintaining your weight loss.
A few weeks ago when one of our employees retired my boss brought one of their cakes. I thought, oh, surely I can have one piece. Mmhmm... Just give me a dark corner and a fork and I'll take that cake down like a dog on a ham.
Today it was cookies and again... Surely I can have just one cookie and again I'm like a dog on a ham. Luckily there are no more cookies. I'm stuck with my choices and my guilt and thank goodness I have a gym membership. I should be telling myself ugly things, which that never works but... I think I'll skip that today.
It's Valentine's Day. I'm in love. I'm even in like-a-lot. I mean how great is it that I'm with a man who gives me that authentic human connection? So today, I'll be happy that I have his love and friendship. I think that's what we're supposed to do on Valentine's day, right?
I'll see him tomorrow and we'll hug and be happy to see each other like we are every other day. What's really beautiful is we don't even need a day to remind ourselves to be happy that we have each other. There is no expectation of gifts or flowers. There is only the expectation that in my heart I'll be tickled to see him.
My wish for us is that on July 14th or September 8th or all the other random days of the year we'll feel the same. I know in time that we will grow accustomed to one another and lose what one friend refers to as "party manners" but we lift each other up and push each other forward. Even in the morning when our hair is flat and knotted and our teeth are fuzzy he still wants to kiss me. While I wish my alarm would quit screaming or my cat would stop climbing on my head he's right there next to me, happy that I'm there. No amount of flowers, chocolate or Upper Crust pastry could make me feel that good.
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