As an Atheist I've never said "Jesus Christ" so much as I did the night I discovered a colony of bed bugs in my apartment. After losing a hundred pounds I ate my first pancake in 11 months. Tonight I had my final comfort meal. Apparently there's some parable about a guy who is excused to work on the Sabbath because his ox falls in a ditch and I texted my boyfriend through a giant bite of glazed donut that my ox fell off the cliff.
Tonight my friend texted me and asked me if I was okay. I said, "Not really, but I'm being an adult about it." Well it's time to put on the big girl panties and act like an adult. Not many properly adjusted adults drown their sorrows in maple syrup.
If this happens, you will experience a few emotional extremes.
Denial is the first emotion. Agreeably this is up there with fire, prison and job loss. No one wants this. These guys do not discriminate.
Acceptance, shortly followed by panic, comes next. I will tell you one very important thing, crying doesn't help. Work through this phase quickly because you don't have that kind of time. You have to act quickly and decisively.
Reconciliation is next and that's where I've stopped. I accept that I will likely lose everything I own that cannot be sterilized. To be honest, I don't want it anymore.
That morning after, my boyfriend and I went to breakfast and had pancakes. I was fizzing out and he could see me in a tailspin. He told me about a friend of his who had to do a big project about birds when he was in school. He waited until the last minute and he was worrying about it. It was one of those situations where the anxiety had replaced the need to complete the task. His dad sat down and helped him and said, "Okay, we can do this. We'll do it one bird at a time." When Charles was at work, worried he wouldn't get the paper out, his friend would tell him, "One bird at a time."
So sit down and make a list. Identify your birds.
Day 1: Read this article: Bed Bug FAQ
Throw out everything you can bear to part with. If there are signs of the bugs on anything, get over it. Throw it out. When in doubt, throw it out. Wash every stitch of fabric you own. You can get a mattress en-caser and pull out the saran wrap but I did those things and I've still got bugs. They're simply stop-gap measures. Vacuum everything but throw the bag out immediately. Clean what you can within a 10 ft radius of the point of discovery. Look throughout the house and identify any hot spots. Clean those areas too. You'll get your workout.
Day 2: If you have pets, bathe them. Do it. You don't want to bathe your cat? Tough. I was surprised I didn't go to the emergency room missing an eye and a finger. Find your lease and insurance policies. You may be responsible for all of this. If you rent, don't accept blame. No one knows where these guys come from. Don't resume denying this. You do not have time. Vacuum again.
Day 3: That's as far as I've gotten.
There is a lot of good information on the web. I have found a few common themes:
1 - Do not run. These guys do not carry disease. They're just hungry parasites and they're irritating as all hell but they will follow you. Stay in your room. Continue to sleep in your bed. If they follow you to the couch you've just contaminated the entire house.
2 - They do not like heat. I have decided to put everything I intend to wear for the day into the dryer prior to wearing it to avoid any hitchhikers. Be conscientious about spreading these guys. You don't want to piss off your friends. It's up to you whether you're going to tell them, but be careful because they can hitch a ride anywhere.
3 - Do not use pesticide yourself. Rid yourself of the notion you have the necessary skills to remove them. One can of raid doesn't work and neither do eight. Let the pros handle this. If a professional says they should fumigate or use a bug bomb, get another professional. This has to be done right. One friend of mine told me the only thing that works is heat...
There is nothing easy about any of this, but it's happened thousands of times in your community and mine. These guys are making a come back because we don't want to spray city-wide pesticides anymore. It's a risk we take. Just remember, you'll get through this. I keep telling myself that at least.
I'll keep you posted about my progress.
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