She is fairly introverted. She talks to people but she doesn't have a lot of friends. I didn't understand why because I really enjoyed being her friend. I liked talking to her because she was funny and supportive and friendly. I tried to offer her the same. She really suffers from anxiety. I referred her to an excellent psychiatrist a few months ago.
I am an unapologetic extrovert. I suffer from anxiety too. I was super nervous. I thrive around people though. I get my energy from being around people.
Let me back it up a bit. I told her in August I was getting married. I wanted a small ceremony and a larger reception. She offered to have the reception at her house. She knew that this was outside her comfort zone but she wanted to do it because we were friends. I told her I would be with her every step of the way.
Six weeks ago I confirmed with her, "Before I purchase invitations and mail them out, you're sure this is OK?" She assured me everything would go as planned. I mailed out the invitations to our friends.
Last week I was supposed to deliver some chairs and tables to her house. She cancelled. Then on Friday I received an email. It was from another friend she talked to about it. She was freaking out about the whole thing.
I responded positively. I would help move her stuff, bring things on specific schedule, didn't want her to spend a dime and would do anything else she asked me to help her through this. I would even come back to her house the day after my wedding when I'm supposed to be celebrating with my sweetheart and help her clean up. I texted her, "Let me help you. I can do everything if you will simply let people in the door."
I talked to her on Friday and offered to come by on the weekend and she was too busy. She was concerned that it would take me two trips to deliver the stuff. It wasn't because I would drive that far twice. She was concerned I would be in her house twice. Her exact wording was, "You can't bring it in two cars to make it one trip? Oh and I do everything early. It'll have to be around 5 o'clock." So Charles and I would both have to take off work early to get there on her schedule. I put up a little resistance.
On Sunday we agreed on Monday I would bring things she could load into her car. Then I would bring more things the next day, go to her house and unload both our cars to save a trip. She has back problems. I don't. I can do some heavy lifting.
Then on Monday she emailed me at 4:56 AM and said she wouldn't be at work because she was sick. I decided to confront her and very specifically stated, "Every time I try to do these tasks you insist on completing you cancel. If you're trying to get out of this let me know now."
Her response was, "I don't want to let you down but I think I'm going to have to back out."
I said that was fine and hung up the phone. I had nothing else to say. I wasn't going to beg or argue or accuse her of being a chicken shit. I wasn't going to say, "You should put on your big girl panties and follow through with your fucking commitment." It's her house. It's her anxiety. It's her refusal to commit. She's the one willing to sacrifice a relationship.
At least it wasn't the day before or the day of the wedding. At least I wouldn't have to spend my wedding day calling my friends to cancel and be left with a cake that could serve 36 people. At least I had 12 days to come up with an alternative.
I talked to Charles and he said, "A friend is someone who's willing to help you move. You were willing to help her move. She isn't. We'll be fine."
I reminded myself the most important thing that will happen on January 10th is at 3:45 PM I will marry Charles. That's why we're in the middle of this commotion in the first place. Sure, we're in a pickle, but really, all I care about is that his sweet face will be there waiting to announce his intention to love me forever in front of our families, close friends and a judge with the power to make it so. That was the one thing I had inside my control and for the love of kittens that is going to happen come hell or high water. I love him. He loves me. We're going to make it a forever deal.
So, back to the story. I have this friend who jumped into action. I was floundering with a "WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?!" attitude about the situation. Out of the blue she was ready to fix the situation. She totally rescued me.
She recommended this great little wine bar in East Austin. You buy a bottle of wine. They uncork it and you sit on a patio with a food trailer in the back and have yourself a nice bottle of wine and eat at the food trailer. The one issue was that you have to sit outside and it's January and the weather that night suggested we'd all be freezing. We went to check it out anyway. They have an attic where we could invite 15 people, buy wine, bring snacks, eat at the food trailer and have some good quality human connection. It will be perfect.
So it's fixed, sort of... This will work out better because I won't have to hold someone's hand. If we made it to the party she would have fizzed out. Last night I had a series of thoughts about worst case scenarios. She would throw everyone out half an hour after they got there or she wouldn't open the door in the first place. At least she gave me a bit of notice so I don't have my own fizz-out.
If she comes to me or calls me and begs for forgiveness I will say, "You are selfish and rude and I refuse to comfort you with my forgiveness. And furthermore I have no interest in pursuing our relationship." She'll cry and make excuses and I don't give a single shit. She's the one who has to cope with it.
On a lighter note, I had the following conversation with Charles last night:
Me: So I handled this whole situation OK?
Him: Oh yeah. It reminded of me this kid when I lived in Marlin. We called him Mo-ped boy because he would ride this Mo-ped around town. He was mentally challenged though and never quite figured out how to turn on the brakes to stop it. He would just crash into the curb, get thrown off the bike, lay there for a minute, then pick himself up, brush himself off and go on about his business.
Me: I handled it like a retarded kid who was too retarded to operate the brakes on his Mo-ped?
Him: Well yeah, but he was a very determined individual. He was so determined to go about his business that he was willing to get thrown off the moped to do it. You got thrown off your bike, laid there for a minute and then picked yourself up and brushed yourself off. There's no way to get out of this is there?
Me: Nope...
And then I erupted in laughter.
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