So we got my mom through a really intense surgery. She's still recovering but after almost 4 weeks she's finally back home. She's probably in better shape now than she was when she walked into the hospital the morning of her surgery. She's certainly excited that she's back in her unkempt home with her unkempt dogs and her television that I think she hugged.
I visited her twice a day while she was in skilled nursing. The morning visit was just for a few minutes. We'd discuss her activities for the day and then we'd see if we could negotiate her escape. There were a few days when we had to battle the stupidity of the staff but for the most part it was uneventful.
In the evenings I would visit with her for maybe an hour. I realized that I needed something to do with my hands while I was there so I started to crochet. I don't know what I'm crocheting beyond it will resemble a rectangle. I can crochet straight lines. That can result in a scarf or a blanket or a pot holder, but that's pretty much it.
My boyfriend's mother teaches crochet. On Saturday I sat with her and we crocheted together. It was really nice. While he slept on her couch, she and I sat together and discussed my mom, ex-husbands and how wonderful my boyfriend really is to me.
When I saw Mom that evening I talked to her about it. She asked me if I would mind sitting with her for a few minutes each day like we did in the nursing home. We could sit and discuss our day and life and love and new discoveries and the dogs. I agreed to do it because I love my mom and I enjoy spending time with her.
I realized that dealing with my mom's mortality involves both of us. It also involves my half-brother, who was very supportive of her especially. He offered to come and help and if it gets worse I may clean my carpets and take him up on it. It also involved her best friend, her surly sister and what I like to refer to as "Team Austin." They are a group of close friends who support both of us through this process. You know who you are. I appreciate everyone who has offered me words of comfort and encouragement while she has been handed this horrible illness to contend with.
She has to do the heavy lifting. She is the one having the surgery and possibly the chemo therapy or the radiation, or not. I am driving her to the appointments. I visit with her daily to comfort not only her, but me too.
One day it felt like it was just me. Then a friend showed up with fruit and flowers at the hospital. I realized that every single bit of relief is priceless. I will always remember the relief of seeing a caring face of a friend who took a few minutes out of her day to support me. Those were 30 golden minutes.
I think going forward I want to offer that same relief to my friends. I learned it's also my responsibility to be there for them when I can. I commit to making a better effort in the future. I promise to all my friends to actually show up or call or do whatever I can to give them a touch of the love they need to get through their tough times.
This process has involved a lot of stress. I've lost a lot of sleep and used a lot of sick leave and through it all, my friends have loved me. Not all of them read my blog but to those who do, thank you for all you do.
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