Nordstrom Rack

So I have to go to a funeral tomorrow and I have NO appropriate shoes.  I have Sketcher's shape-ups, Clark's casual and trainers.  I needed a pair of flats.  My criteria was:

• Less than $50
• Black or Nude (or red if in patent leather)
• Size 11
• No where near a Chipotle 

I did find a lovely pair of black flats.

While there I found these lovelies:

Who would buy magenta patent leather wedges with that pattern on the wedge?

I asked the clerk, "Who wears size 13, 7-inch platform heels."  He said, "I think you know who wears 7-inch heels."

Just what everyone needs.  A pair of yellow, patent leather espadrilles.

Metallic snake skin 6 inch heels?

Look at that heel!  How could anyone walk in those without looking like an Orthopedist's next car payment?

There were three pairs of these, all in large sizes.  It's like they failed the tranny field trip.